I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
