U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I smell stomach acid.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
