cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And then my night got REAL pukey
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