We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
