Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
