Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
