Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
