I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
