I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
