I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
