I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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