WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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