Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The struggles of a small town man whore
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
