I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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