Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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