Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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