walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize