there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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