thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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