I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
