her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
bring money and cleavage
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize