...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
