If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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