Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize