I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
