Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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