i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i think i just lost a toe
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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