GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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