a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
