yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
