girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
