WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
