Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
