I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
