the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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