i barfeds in our rink
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
