you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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