I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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