how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
