forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just google imaged poop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
