My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
