Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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