I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
