so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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