The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
