twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
