We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize