hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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