I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
