some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
