They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
