she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
