I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
