i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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