it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
