if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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