I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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