I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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