So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
