guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
