Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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