Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
