lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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