evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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